Re promised tomcat native library details.
What you could try here is to see if APR relieves the problem. Now don't get me wrong I am just throwing idea's out there for you to try and could be going in the wrong direction. The way I see it is there are not many other log details to go on and you are tackling the issue via1)tomcat adjustments 2)java parameters and I have also suggested 3)monitoring. APR is a tomcat alteration.
When CF starts CF10\cfusion\logs\coldfusion-error.log reports this output EG:
org.apache.catalina.core.AprLifecycleListener init
INFO: The APR based Apache Tomcat Native library which allows optimal
performance in production environments was not found on the java.library.path:
d:\\ColdFusion10\\cfusion\lib;d:\\ColdFusion10\\cfusion\jintegra\bin;d :\\ColdFusio
n10\\cfusion\jintegra\bin\international;d:\\ColdFusion10\\cfusion\lib\ oosdk\classe
s\win
org.apache.coyote.AbstractProtocol init
INFO: Initializing ProtocolHandler ["ajp-bio-8012"]
org.apache.catalina.core.StandardService startInternal
INFO: Starting service Catalina
org.apache.catalina.core.StandardEngine startInternal
INFO: Starting Servlet Engine: Apache Tomcat/7.0.23
etc
Here is the APR documentation
http://tomcat.apache.org/tomcat-7.0-doc/apr.html
Download the Windows binary distribution here (or other mirror)
http://apache.mirror.uber.com.au/tomcat/tomcat-connectors/native/1.1.2 7/binaries/
The downloaded ZIP contains two tcnative-1.dll files for 32 and 64 bit. Depending on your Windows 2003 bit copy appropriate tcnative-1.dll to CF10\cfusion\lib . Now when you restart CF the coldfusion-error.log reports:
org.apache.catalina.core.AprLifecycleListener init
INFO: Loaded APR based Apache Tomcat Native library version.
org.apache.catalina.core.AprLifecycleListener init
INFO: APR capabilities: IPv6 [true], sendfile [true], accept filters [false],
random [true].
org.apache.coyote.AbstractProtocol init
INFO: Initializing ProtocolHandler ["ajp-apr-8012"]
org.apache.catalina.core.StandardService startInternal
INFO: Starting service Catalina
org.apache.catalina.core.StandardEngine startInternal
INFO: Starting Servlet Engine: Apache Tomcat/7.0.23
etc
Perhaps with tomcat AJP switched to use APR you might find successful outcome or even different log details which in turn might lead to a solution.
HTH, Carl.